You Really Are Amazing, Phil
by xoTearDuctsCanRustxo
Summary: When Phil dies after a struggle with cancer, it is up to Dan to tell the fans in the form of a difficult and heart wrenching video.


"I've been trying to film this video over and over again because I know it's my responsibility but I don't know how to word it. See once I get going I won't know how to stop but… it's the initial message that I'm struggling with.

On 3rd October Phil passed away.

I know it comes as a shock because we all thought he was happy and healthy but the truth is Phil had cancer. He was riddled with it. But Phil being Phil didn't think about himself he thought about his mum, his dad, his brother, me and all of you guys before himself. He'd go to a chemotherapy session and would be ridiculously ill with dizziness, vomiting even fainting but all he kept asking was how we were coping. I want Phil to know if he's listening that we appreciate the kindness and the care but to think about himself now.

It soon became clear after multiple chemotherapy sessions and operations that he wasn't getting better and we were soon told that he had 6 weeks to live. I was devastated and I knew Phil was too but he wouldn't say anything at all. He told his family to go back to Rossendale as there was nothing they could do, but before they left he told them how much he loved them and hoped they could carry on without him. He still refused to get upset as his mum gave me an emergency number to call her on when it happened.

It hit me one night that I was the one who was going to have to find him after he… passed and he comforted me as I cried. Even though he was the one that didn't have long to live. He told me he'd rather I grieved for him while he was here because when he was gone he wouldn't be able to do anything. He was so caring and loving and so, so selfless. I couldn't have asked for a better friend and roommate. I just wish I would've appreciated him when he was here so I could tell exactly how much he means to everyone. So of course I have regrets regarding his passing but they don't mean anything now. I want to give my sympathies to every one who never got the chance to meet Phil because you really missed out. See at least I can live with the memories Phil left me with. All the radio shows, fun we had, Dan vs Phil, all his silly little anitdotes. But that's the Phil that you get to see but there were many more moments that I want to keep for me and me alone.

On the night he died I want you all to know that he wasn't alone. I held him in my arms until he drifted to sleep just he never woke up. It was a very sad but beautiful and peaceful moment and I'm glad I shared his passing with him. Because I owed it to him to be strong, he could finally lose all his strength and think of himself.

On that day he was quite poorly as you can imagine. His breathing was painful, he had no energy to move, so I just held him in a blanket close to my chest and he said that he was scared to die. We'd had a whole day of watching films and talking about all the great times we'd had together. I made him all his favourite foods so he could experience them one last time. He tried his best but could only manage a little bit but he appreciated the effort. I was saddened that he was scared but I managed to talk to him until he had completely forgotten his fear. Then I hugged him and he told me he was tired but didn't want to sleep because he knew he wouldn't wake up and he didn't want to leave me alone. So I told him I loved him so much I was willing to let him go because it was about time he thought about himself. So I rocked him and sung to him until he fell asleep and I watched his last breath, seen his final tear and heard his last words of 'thank you, I love you Dan', I watched the pain drain out of his face and held him as he went limp.

So I know it's a shock that he is gone because even though a few of you noticed that he looked sick, he was losing weight and was getting weaker you didn't know the extent of his illness. But please keep Phil's memory alive, keep him in your hearts and never forget him because it's bad enough that he has been taken from us without him being forgotten so please continue to watch his old videos share your memories and remember him.

And Phil if you're listening I hope you know how much I love you and miss you. I am staying strong for you like you stayed strong for me all your life. Thank you for all the fond memories you really are Amazing Phil"


End file.
